Full-day kindergarten: Dealing with separation

This September full-day kindergarten will part of every school in British Columbia.

One of the things a parent may be wondering is: how do help your child if he or she is nervous about starting school?

Going to a big school with big kids may not a big deal for some children, but for others it can be terrifying, especially the new all-day programs. Luckily, there are many things you can do to help with this transition.

If your child has not had the experience of separating from you with a preschool, daycare or sitter, kindergarten may be tough for them and you. It is very normal and healthy for children this age to want to be with you and to be nervous about you leaving. It shows they have a healthy attachment to you and feel safe with you.

Your job, then, is to communicate to them this new experience, though a bit scary at first, will be fun for them.

First, acknowledge their feelings. “You’re nervous about this first day. That’s ok. Everyone is nervous about starting something new.”

Often we want to make everything better and happy by negating their feelings or dismissing them. But by giving your child permission to feel whatever they feel in difficult situations, this helps them learn not to bury their feelings for others’ sake, but to work through them and learn from them.

Vancouver parenting expert, Gordon Neufeld, recommends “bridging” the separation by talking about your connection after the experience. “I will be right at this door to pick you up and then we’ll go home and make a snack. What would you like to make?” This way the child focuses on the reconnection and, hopefully, less on the separation.

To help your child feel more oriented, spend some time at the school grounds and playground. If they have something to look forward to, like a favourite slide or swings, they might feel less worried.

Also, if they have not had the experience of separating from you, it may be time to hire a sitter for an afternoon, or take advantage of some community summer programs. Use the same acknowledging and bridging strategies for this experience as well.

Some children have no problem separating for kindergarten—and this does not mean they are less attached to you. They may have gone through this separation anxiety at some point earlier in their development.

But others are quite fearful of separation and need more encouragement and comfort. In the same way we do not like others to push us into situations we find scary, it is important to acknowledge their feelings, bridge the separation and practice separations until they feel comfortable. Children of all ages need encouragement with separations, but we can do it in a way that instils feelings of powerfulness, excitement and courage.

Yvonne McKenna is Counsellor and Infant Development Consultant for Reach Child and Youth Development Society. She has been working with families for over 20 years and has her certification with the Canadian Association of Counselling and Psychotherapy and the Canadian Association for Child and Play Therapy. In addition to Counselling services Reach offers a variety of programs including preschools which combine kindergarten readiness and skill building activities with play-based learning.  Reach is a non-profit organization that has been supporting children and families since 1959. Reach is currently raising money to build a community-based child development centre in the heart of the community. For information about Reach call 604-946-6622 or visit www.reachdevelopment.org